YOU ARE NOT ALONE

Please excuse the novel you're about to read, but I've felt like I needed to share this for a while so here it goes.

When we got married, Josh and I moved into a family ward and got big kid callings. Mine was to be a Young Women's leader. People tell me what an awesome calling that must be and I force a smile and tell them it's amazing. Why the forced smile? I love my calling. I really do. But it does bring back memories of my own time in Young Women's that I hoped to not have to re-live.

Let me tell you a story.

I grew up in a great home. I was safe. I knew my parents loved me and I was confident in who I was. Here are some pictures to prove that. (Cherish these because they are the only remaining evidence of my childhood fashion faux pas.)

When it came time for junior high (or middle school as some places call it), I was pumped. My ward friends and I would all be in the same school and I was excited to get to know them better. It quickly became evident that my quirkiness did not quite fit into their little group though. I started to get teased and shunned. Mostly shunned. I hated it. They teased me for my ideas and jokes. They teased me for wearing my favorite clothes more often than my other clothes (Totally acceptable, am I right?) My memory is hazy of that time, but I think I may have even pulled a Lindsay Lohan from Mean Girls and ate my lunch in the bathroom once because I felt so left out and ostracized whenever I tried to sit with them. Lunch, which everyone usually looked forward to, became my least favorite thing. Anyone else with me?

Young Women's wasn't any better. The same shunning happened at church from my church peeps. I found it so hard to go because I felt so alone. I sat alone in Sunday School, and I sat alone in Young Women's. I was called to be the Mia Maid president at one point and my decision to accept all callings was truly tested. After accepting, I went into my room and counted the Sundays until I turned 16 and would be released.

I eventually made friends though. Great friends that I still keep in contact with today. I have never told them how much their friendship meant to a quirky little nobody, so here it goes. You guys saved me. Your friendship and acceptance meant the world to me so thank you. [You know who you guys are.]

I say all of this not for you to feel sorry for me, but to help anyone who may have felt (or currently feels) like they are alone or shunned or ostracized because of who they are. Here are some things that helped me (and could have helped me) survive that crazy time in life.

1. Pray. I can't tell you how many times I prayed to have friends and to be more confident. In hindsight, I probably should have prayed for strength to overcome that trial, but praying helped me so much. I felt Heavenly Father's love for me and His help in guiding me through those tricky years. Although I felt alone sometimes, I still felt loved
2. Talk to your parents. When I was going through all of this, I never told anybody. Not a single person. My own mom didn't know until I was 20 and finally told her everything. I kept it all to myself and as a result, I ostracized myself. Talking about how you feel can help you get perspective and assistance, especially when you talk about it with your parents. They love you and they want to help so let them.
3. Be kind. I can't tell you how easy it felt to be mean to the people that were being mean to me. That doesn't do any good though. Often times, those that aren't nice to you are struggling with problems of their own. Don't waste your time on being mean. Move on and move up. Being kind will set you apart and help you heal.
4. Find a support group. I don't mean like a group that means once a week in the basement of a library. I'm talking about a group of people that you can lean on. People that you trust that will help lift you up when others try to tear you down. Among those in my support group were my parents were this support group for me. They were always there for me, even though they had no idea what they were helping me with. They hung out with me when I had no one to hang out with and they listened to me and my jokes when no one else would. 
5. Be you. Don't change yourself or your standards in order to fit in. It's as simple as that. Well at least in hindsight. I caved a couple of times. I changed myself to fit in, to have friends and be accepted. It wasn't worth it though. I felt like I had betrayed myself and who I was just for friends who still didn't care about me despite all the changes I tried to make. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. You will make friends who you can really connect with that way.

The point I'm trying to make with this book I just wrote is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! And you most certainly don't have to maneuver these difficult years on your own. Most of us have struggled with this and can be part of your support group. Most importantly though is that Heavenly Father is always there for you. He listens, understands, and wants to help. Reach out to Him and you will feel that love. He will guide you to the right people and help you have the strength and courage you need to keep your head up. This doesn't last forever. You will be a better person because of it. I promise.